Humons
by AlchemistofSilver
Summary: A young Kirlia named Pearl sets out to be the greatest Human trainer ever.  I have no clue what's going on either.
1. Chapter 1

**If Pokemon trained Humans, I still wouldn't own Pokemon. Or Humans.**

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><p>A young Kirlia woke up early one morning. This Kirlia was named Pearl, and she had a very special reason to wake up so early that day.<p>

Pearl walked quickly downstairs, although she did not run, as that would ruin her shoes. Actually, she attempted to walk quickly downstairs, but ended up tripping on her Nintendium Wii and falling downstairs1. She curled up into a ball, and rolled into her mother's room, next to said mother.

The mother in question, a Gardevoir that Pearl knew simply as Mom, was in front of a mirror, adjusting her makeup.

"Owwwww…" Pearl groaned, just loudly enough to get her mother's attention. Mom quickly turned; in fact, she turned a bit too quickly, tripped on her duodermis2, and ended up sprawled on the floor next to her daughter.

In unison, the two groaned. "Owww…" As Pearl attempted to get up, she bumped into Mom, who bumped into the mirror. Pearl and Mom once again found themselves on the floor, next to a broken mirror.

"Sorry, mom", Pearl said, after getting up.

"That's okay, Pearl", Mom replied, taking the hand that Pearl offered her. "I think I put a bit too much makeup, anyway."

"I meant about the mirror."

"Oh, that's okay. I'll get Mime to clean it up."

"So, how do you think your date's going to go?"

"Oh, I think it'll go well. I mean, we've been dating for a good few- Oh my gosh, it's going to go horribly, he's going to hate me, I'll never see him again, I'm such a –"

"Calm down, Mom. It's going to go great, because you're an amazing person. In fact, I bet that by the time three months have passed, he'll have proposed to you. I'm sure he's completely in love with you, and I know you're not going to divorce again."

"That – that reminds me… Your father called. He said that you could come today to – "

Mom once again found herself on the floor, this time from the speed of Pearl's quick walk. She attempted to get up, and knocked over a cabinet.

Mime entered the room. He stared around silently, and then made a sighing motion. The psychic–type Human made an outline of a broom and pan with his hands, and began cleaning.

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><p>Pearl walked quickly through the streets to her father's laboratory. She passed two homes, walked past the "Welcome to Twinarm Town" sign, and met with Diamond3 outside the laboratory, which she could see was closed.<p>

"So, I guess we're adults now", Diamond grinned. "I mean, we're getting our starter Humans! That's so awesome!"

"Well, I could make a snivyish4 comment about how you haven't finished growing your third and fourth arms5 yet, so you can't be an adult but that would be mean, so I won't."

"Oh, haha, laugh at the kid who's going to have trouble with coordination and finding shirts throughout his puberty. Well, I know that your skinny Gardevoir legs won't help you balance, and I bet you'll fall on your own duodermis, which will start growing too long for your dresses to fit."

"Wellll, my m – hey, look, the lab's open! Let's go!"

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><p>Pearl walked into the lab quickly but carefully, with Diamond limping in behind her. She did not expect what she found inside, though.<p>

"Dad?" She called, although she did not see him. "Why are there so many poles here?"

"Huh? Oh, you're here!" A voice called back. "Hold on one second."

On the other side of the pit, Professor Pine appeared. He jumped rather quickly over the three poles in between him and the teens, and scooped Pearl into the air for a hug. "I'm so proud of you, Pearl! My own daughter is going to be league champ!"

"Hey, what about me?" Diamond asked.

"You want a hug too? Okay!" Pine was now hugging them both.

"That's not what I meant."

Pearl, finally managing to breathe despite the bone-crushing hug, gasped, "Can you lower the drawbridge so we can get to the lab?"

"Drawbridge? Don't be silly!" Pine jumped backward, into the pit, still carrying the now-screaming teens. Without looking behind him, the professor gracefully bounded across to the door.

"Hello there! Welcome to the world of Humans! My name is Professor Pine."

Pearl, once she found her breath, asked, "No offense, dad, but are you freaking insane?"

"No, I don't think so; why? Did Professor Willow tell you that?"

"Why did you have to carry us like that?" Diamond asked.

"I had to carry you because of the poles, of course. How else would you get across?"

"I don't know", Pearl said. "Maybe you could decide not to have a pit at the entrance?"

"Ohhh… No, I need that pit."

"Why do you need it?"

"Well, Mangrove – you know him, right? The professor from Johto? – one of Mangrove's Humans was stolen by some kid a year or two ago. Since I don't want anyone to do the same here, I set the poles up as security and learned martial arts at Diamond's dojo."

"You do realize, then", Diamond asked, "that I could have jumped across myself?"

"You both are insane."

"Well, kids, I think we've spent too long here. Come on, let's go inside."

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><p>"Welcome, children to my laboratory!" Pine said.<p>

"You realize that we can't see anything, right?" Diamond asked.

"Ah, yes, I'll turn the lights on."

Gallade fumbled about for the lights and turned them on. Then he turned them off. Then he turned them on again. Then he turned them off.

"Dad!"

Then he turned them on again.

"Anyway, welcome, children, to my laboratory. Before I give you your starters, though, I have to ask you for some help."

"Sure", Pearl said. "What do you need?"

"Well, you understand that logic is based on classification, correct?" Diamond and Pearl nodded. "And you know that humology is a study of Humans based on the classifications we give them, correct?" The teens nodded again. "No, wait; this isn't a good way to explain it. You know about the Humodex, correct? The object that we humologists place our descriptions and classifications of Humans in? Well, the Humodex was invented a long time ago, by the ancient Empires. Most humologists have placed their faith in the Humodex, simply elaborating on it. However, we, meaning several Professors in other regions and myself, have recently learned that most of the information in the Humodex is actually either blatantly incorrect or based upon old legends. Furthermore, many of the classifications are not standardized, with some evolutions having the same names as their previous stages and others' entries not making sense at all. If I, or any of the Professors, announce this, though, we could face a state Reinquisition or even a lack of funding. We, like all other scientists, need _evidence_ to support our theories, but we can't travel ourselves, because we need to maintain our laboratories. Furthermore, we can only ask pokemon we trust to help us. Thus, I need your help."

"Well", Pearl said, "you're still my dad. I'm going to help, because if I didn't, you could just ground me, even after the divorce."

"Of course", Diamond said, "I may not be your child, but my dad would be furious if I didn't do this. You're giving me a Human, so he'd say something like, 'How dare you dishonor our family like this! I am going to make you train for a century before you can leave this house!'"

"Wonderful, then, children", Pine smiled. "Wonderful."

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><p>"Now, on this table, you see the humoballs that contain your Humans. Or at least, I would say that, but these are not yours. Grab the Humodexes on the table and follow me." Pine entered an elevator and and the younger pokemon followed. "Enter Floor B500, Section D." The elevator started moving down. "Okay, now I will explain the Humodexes. The first thing you should know about them is that they have several apps that people can attach to them for you. You'll probably meet people who can give you things like Poketches, Pokegears, and so on. I have taken the liberty of adding several applications for you. If you press the 'x' button, you will see a list of these applications. The 'save' button will send me your data and location, in case you're in trouble or have made a great discovery. The 'options' will adjust the Humodex's screen and the 'scan' will allow you to scan Humans for data. The option with your name on it is what will be sent to me – you can edit it before saving if you need to. The 'items' will allow you to teleport items out of storage and into your bag or hand, and the 'Humans' will display your current party. Unfortunately, I could not fit the PC data into the 'Humans' list. However, you'll notice that once you scan a Human, it will appear in your 'Humans' list or PC, as well as on the 'scan' for a brief period of time. The 'scan' will tell you the Human's stats, nature, its nine IVs and EVs, and the breed we currently classify it as. They taught you two about IVs, EVs, and natures in class, correct?"<p>

Diamond said, "Yeah, but I never paid attention. I'm going to win with the power of friendship, and I'm not even going to be in the metagame. I'm directly challenging the Elite Four."

Pine looked disappointed, so Kirlia said, "Cheer up, dad; I'm still metagaming. I'm going to be at the tournament."

Pine nodded. "Good, because I got you some very special Humans. Come with me, kids."

The elevator doors opened, and they stepped out… into an area that looked exactly like the one they had just left. "Stand here for a second."

Pine walked up to the table with the humoballs on it, pressed the left one into the table, and then knocked on the middle one three times.

"SECURITY SYSTEM DISENGAGED. THANK YOU, AND HAVE A NICE DAY." Several lasers appeared all over the lab before disappearing again.

"You can come in now."

"That's a lot of security for three Humans, isn't it?" Pearl asked.

"You have no clue how hard it was to get ahold of these three. Go on, scan them."

Diamond scanned them. "I don't get it."

"You wouldn't. Pearl, you try."

"Okay", Pearl replied, and scanned the three humoballs. What she saw made her drop her Humodex, and she had to pick it up and scan again to make sure that she was seeing correctly.

"PERFECT IVS? Oh my god, dad, how long did it take you to get these?"

"Well, it was actually from a trade a few weeks ago. I thought I'd give them to my Dex holders."

"But _three_? You only needed two."

"No, there's actually a third holder, but she's late."

"Wow, and you got Psis, too. I thought they limited typing for starters."

"Yeah, but these evolve differently, and I thought you'd like to try Humans with these types."

Diamond looked confused. "Wait, how do these evolve differently?"

Pearl stared at him. "Well, if you paid attention in humology class, you'd know that Psis evolve into different types based on which of their stats is higher – emotion, memory, or willpower6."

"Oh, okay."

"And each of these natures boost one of those stats, while decreasing attack, since all of the evolutions are special attackers…"

Pine grinned. "Correct! Each of you will have one of these. It's your choice."

"Pearl, you choose first."

"Are you sure, Diamond? You don't want to?"

"No, I don't know which one is which anyway."

"Fine, then I choose… this one!" She pointed to the one in the middle. "The one with the manipulative nature, so it'll evolve into a Psychic/Dark type."

Diamond said, "Okay, then I choose… this one! The unstable natured one."

"The one that'll evolve into a Psychic/Fighting type?"

"It'll evolve into a Fighting type? That's awesome."

Both kids picked up the Humoballs they had chosen.

"Good, good. Anyway, kids, I think it's time for you to get going. Make sure to see your mothers before leaving town, though. Also, if you see a Dusclops named Platinum, make sure to tell her to come by to pick up her Psi."

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><p>1) The Wii, which fell with her, was, of course, undamaged.<p>

2) The duodermis is a second layer of skin that all Ralts, Kirlia, and Gardevoir have. Although it is occasionally confused for a dress, it is a Ralts'/Kirlia's/Gardevoir's outer layer of skin, an exoskeleton of some sort. It also gives Gardevoir a much needed support for their weight, because their legs are too small and skinny to walk assistance.

3) Diamond was Pearl's childhood friend, a Machoke whose father ran a gym in Twinarm Town. Like Pearl, he wanted to become a Human trainer.

4) Although discrimination against Snivies fell a lot after the brunt of the Revolution came to an end, Snivies are still stereotyped as arrogant and rude, leading the term "snivyish" to mean "mean".

5) Pokemon grow up a little at a time, unlike Humans, which rapidly evolve once they reach a certain amount of experience or when certain other conditions are met.

6) Emotion, memory, and willpower are three recently discovered stats. Willpower allows Humans to resist status effects, memory allows Humans to learn more moves at one time, and emotion buffs stats based on the type of emotion that the Human is feeling.

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><p><strong>Well, this is a Deconstruction Reconstruction/ Parody/ Crack Fic / Speculative Fic/ Author Tract/ Sci-Fi/ Something. You're welcome, so review!**


	2. Beginnings Loud Enough to Wake the Dead

"Okay", Diamond said. "I think we should visit your mom first. My mom's gone to Veilstone for a business trip.

"My mom's on a date, though", Pearl said. "She'll be back in an hour or so."

"Well, I should probably go see my dad before leaving, then", Diamond said. "I haven't trained today, anyway."

"Okay, then", Pearl said. "I guess I'll get to know my Human better."

a

Pearl stared at the Psi. The Psi stared back.

The two of them were sitting on two couches in Pearl's house. Neither of them had spoken.

The Psi got up and grabbed a deck of cards from the counter before sitting back down. It handed five cards to Pearl, picked up five cards, and placed the rest of the deck down.

"You want to play something?" The Psi nodded.

"Poker? War? Go Mermaid?" The Psi nodded at the last option.

"Okay, well… do you have a 5?" It shook its head. "Psi?"

"Sorry, what?"

"Psi?"

"I have no clue what you're saying."

The Psi placed its hand on the table.

"Psi."

"Yeah, I was getting bored, too", Pearl said. "Ummm… do you have a nickname?"

"Psi", it shook its head.

"I guess I'll nickname you, then. How do you like… Psycher?"

"Psi", it shook its head.

"Tate?" It shook its head. "Liza?" It shook its head. "Sabrina?" It shook its head.

"Alchemist? No, actually, that's a ridiculous name. *:)? No, that's hard to pronounce. How about Spiral?" The Psi nodded. "Okay, awesome. Spiral it is. Hold on…"

Pearl took out her Humodex. "Okay, I'll register your nickname in the 'Dex. Hold on… Okay, so let's see… Huh?"

"Psi?"

"It's not working…"

"Psi…"

"Let's go and ask my dad if he can fix it."

"Psi?"

a

"Hmmm…" Pearl read the note on the lab door. "Sorry, I'm not here at the moment. I've gone to Lake Verity for a few days. Please walk over if it's urgent."

"Psi."

"Well, it isn't _urgent_… I think we should go train instead."

"Psi."

a

A young Machoke walked into his family's dojo. Diamond couldn't talk to his mom at the moment (why had the Professor said mom specifically?), but he'd still wish his dad good-bye. He walked three steps and, noticing that nobody was in the dojo, he closed his eyes and concentrated. Feeling more than seeing the oncoming Bullet Punch, he turned toward it with his hands open, facing the attacker.

He caught the fist in his hands.

Once he took the admittedly weak punch (he noticed that it had been pulled at the last second), he tackled the low-level Human to the ground.

"Good, good. Son, I think it's time."

Diamond turned to his father, releasing the Human after it realized that it had lost. "Time?"

"Yes, it's time. I want you to finish your training before you leave. I want you", here, the old Conkeldurr paused, as if to be dramatic for some invisible, fictional audience, "to become a Master of the No Guard School of Fighting!"

"So you basically want me to punch you until you bleed?"

"No, I want you to start learning", another pause, "the advanced style!" Seeing his son's confused look, he added, "You have to start training your Human", pause, "and training with your Human!"

"That sounds simple enough." Diamond released his Psi. It looked around, confused, and he realized he hadn't actually met it yet.

"Okay", his father posed dramatically, "let the training…" Another pause and pose, "Begin!"

a

Pearl walked out onto Route 201.

"Okay", she said, "I've got an idea for your training. You'll be a glass cannon when you're fully evolved, in everything other than avoiding status effects. With your stupidly high willpower stat, you'll probably be able to take any type of status. I'm going to have you training for Speed and Special Attack, because training you for Willpower probably won't increase it much more than what you'll have." The Psi nodded. "Over here, there's a lot of Aeros – they're flying types, by the way, you can see them landing when they're searching for food; I thought I'd let you know their typing in case you knew about the type chart." The Psi nodded. "They're pretty common throughout the region, so on top of getting Speed EVs, you'll learn how to fight a common foe." The Psi nodded again. "However, you'll have to weaken and not knock out the Aeros if I ask you to. It would be a bit difficult to win the Tournament with one Human, especially since Ubers are banned. Aeros eventually evolve into Aerodynamkicks, and those are good physical sweepers with good coverage on their STABs."

Pearl's stomach growled. "Actually, I'm going to go make lunch. I want you to knock out Aeros and bring them to my house so I can scan them for IVs and natures. Attack as many Aeros or other weak Humans as you want, but only knock out exactly 170. If you get hurt, there's a healing machine in dad's lab. If you feel sick, go check with dad to see if it's Humorus. Do you know what Humorus is?"

"Psi."

"That's funny – I guess I'll have to teach you about the metagame later. In the meantime, avoid Trainers, evolved Humans, and roaming Legendaries. If worst comes to worst, here's my Humodex. Call my home phone if you're in trouble. I'll make some food for you too."

The Psi nodded in agreement.

"Is that all you can do? Nod?"

The Psi shook its head.

"Okay, never mind. What do you want to eat?"

"Psi!", it nodded.

"I have no clue what you're saying. I hope you get Telepathy soon." Pearl wondered if those Human translators she had heard about were available commercially yet. She then wondered if one would be worth the investment if she had a Psychic type that would evolve soon anyway.

"Psi!"

"Sigh… I'll go make pasta now."

"Psi!"

a

I looked around, confused. I was summoned by a pokemon? I was under the impression that the older one – the Professor – had been saving me to give to someone special.

"Okay, let the training begin!"

Training? I was going to train before being given to the child that would take me? I had thought that each Trainer trained their own Humans.

I looked around the building, wondering how I was going to train. I saw two pokemon near me. Both were rather large and muscular-looking, which meant two things:

1) They were likely to be the ones training me, although not likely to be Trainers – Trainers, as far as I had heard, were not used to training themselves.

2) Neither was the Professor, so I obviously wasn't being trained by the Professor. Perhaps he ran out of ideas to train, or perhaps he simply wasn't here at the moment?

3) I was going to have to stretch before training.

I bent down to touch my toes and heard the strange summoning noise. When I looked up, the smaller pokemon was being attacked by the larger one and by six Humans.

Well, that simply wasn't an honorable way to fight, even if it was training. I decided I'd have to even the odds.

I waited in the tall grasses. Mistress – I assumed the pokemon was a girl, although I was not certain – had been rather vague with her (his?) instructions. She gave me a certain amount of leeway with my task.

I had observed the Professor when he was teaching the Humodexes how to scan, and knew what to look for.

A low-flying Aero passed by me, close enough to the ground that I could easily attack him. I didn't, though. Instead, I asked, in its strange touch language, the Humodex to scan him. It scanned a bit more quickly and eagerly than I had expected it to, and its results were clear. _Between 0 and 5 for all stats_, I thought. I could knock this one out.

Standing up, I grabbed a stick off the ground nearby and plunged it into the earth. Calm, relaxed, but focused, I Teleported.

The Aero, presumably, did not know why I was standing on his back. Presumably, he also did not know why a stick had pierced his vital organs.

What would I do with the body, then? I could obviously Teleport with it to a river for a proper burial, but then a Trainer could see me. I could leave the body for scavengers, but they could be high–level and see me.

My stomach grumbled. _Well_, I thought, looking at the body, _it would be better to use the food Mistress is making me as bait for a wild Aero._

a

Platinum woke up near a lake. She tried to remember why, but she failed.

"Oh, good, you're awake." The voice sounded friendly, and somewhat familiar. "How are you?"

Platinum glanced around, but she couldn't see anyone. Perhaps it was because she was on the floor, or perhaps it was because of the tall grass in her face, or perhaps it was just because of her pounding headache?

She wasn't sure, but she got up anyway. Near her was a mon. He didn't stare at her, but he did look curious. And familiar. "I… I'm fine. Who are you?"

"My name is Professor Pine. How are you? Do you know where you are?"

"I'm at Lake Acuity, right?"

"You are at Lake Verity?" Verity? "Do you who I am? Who you are?"

"I don't know who you are. As for me, I'm… Platinum. I'm a Human trainer. I was on a journey when I was attacked."

Pine looked at the Dusclops kindly, as if he felt sorry for her. "I am sorry for you, for you have suffered much, but by the Darkness, you will suffer more, for you are already dead."

a

_I shall tell of adventures, marvelous and terrible, for that is what life is. Every Human and pokemon is their own hero, their own villain, their own world, and in this interaction of worlds, events become stories, and stories become Legends._

_This… is my story, my Legend, and the Legend of that pokemon who I served. This is the story of companionship, of hope, of sorrows, of Darknesses and Beings completely Alien and of Existence Itself, of Abominations and no Reasons of Being and no Hopes of the farthest future, of Mastery of an Art and a fight for Peace. This, like any other story, will begin with this beginning, and never end._

_-Legends_, by Petrarch, the first Human writer in all of written pokemon history


	3. Chapter 3 PART 1 OF INFINITY

**A/N: **

**AU-Humans have canon-Pokemons' powers, plus some more. AU-Pokemon have canon-Humans' powers, plus some more. Also, AU-Pokemon have most aspects of canon-Humans' civilizations. And yes, because I know someone somewhere will ask this, all Humans are naked and all Pokemon wear clothes.**

**I think I am squandering this idea a bit. If you have ideas for this fic, please let me know.**

**:N/A**

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><p>a<p>

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><p>Platinum stared at the Professor. Deep breaths, deep breaths, stay calm, stay calm - wait, why couldn't she feel any oxygen in her lungs? Why couldn't she feel her lungs?<p>

Platinum looked down at her body and blinked. Her body was covered in bandages? Obviously, if she needed bandages, then she wasn't dead. She blinked again.

Why was her vision so funny?

"I need to know who you are. Tell me in as much detail as you can."

Platinum looked at the Professor.

"Why?", she asked. At least, she tried to, but nothing came out.

"I'm sorry, where are my manners? You're a new ghost, aren't you? This must come as a shock to you. I'm a simple wandering spirit, a man who journeys in the company of the dead, and I believe I understand your problem. You are a new spirit, and cannot speak telepathically yet. No worries, no worries, you'll learn. Nod if you heard and understood all that."

Platinum nodded.

"Nod if you can feel your voice box."

Platinum did not nod.

"Okay, I see, you're fully telepathic now. You should be able to speak soon."

Platinum did not smile at this. In fact, she expressed no emotion. She could not feel her mouth.

"Well, then, I guess I shall tell you your task. In the meantime, let's go find Professor Pine."

She looked at him, confused. Wasn't he Professor Pine?

"It's... complicated."

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><p>a<p>

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><p>Platinum was confused. She had no clue who she was, why she was, what she wanted, where she wanted to go, or how to get there. In other words, she was alive. Pine had said she was dead, though - that she was a ghost. She knew that she wasn't breathing , she knew that she was wrapped in bandages that she couldn't remove, she knew that she only had one eye, but she didn't feel <em>dead<em>. Perhaps if she tried to remember...

Platinum closed her eyes.

_A shape. It forms, diamond-like yet not so, made of four to eight differently sized triangles that rise yet connect to themselves at any given time. It moves in a dimension that Platinum cannot identify, smaller yet larger than her vision can see. She senses an UnPresence, something that has a Reason for Being that she cannot identify. Why is it here? What is its purpose? She must ask. That is more important than her kingdom, more important than her lives. She must... identify... it... She has to know, she has to know, she has to _

Platinum opened her eyes, and screamed.

* * *

><p>a<p>

* * *

><p>I knocked on the Mistresses' house's door. She opened it and smiled at me. Was she trying to raise my friendship level so I could get to my third Evolution soon? Or perhaps she simply wanted to let me know she was in command. Or she was trying to be genuinely friendly to me.<p>

No, it definitely wasn't the last one. If there was anything my old mentor had taught me, it was that pokemon were never friendly to Humans.

"So, you must have tired out, huh?"

"Psi!" _Yes, I did. Unfortunately, I did not train much because I am focused on focused on finding a worthy member of the team._

"I guess you must be hungry, then." She brought out a bowl. "This is yours. It has 'Psi' written on it. See here?" She pointed at a set of marks on it.

"Psi!" _I can't read, because nobody's taught me. If you did teach me, though, I'd be rather worried. That'd mean that my old teacher's training was failing._

_"_I'll go fill it. Hold on."

* * *

><p>a<p>

* * *

><p>Pearl smiled. She was growing used to her Human. It was, in fact, somewhat adorable. Opening a bag, she took out some Vegetables. She had heard that they healed Humans <em>and<em> satisfied hunger.

As she walked from the kitchen to the house's entrance, she thought about her journey. She had thought it would be difficult to train and raise Humans. After all, they _did_ have dangerous powers, and they _were _sentient.

Still, this was easier than she had expected. Her starter was nice _and_ focused on training.

She opened the door. There he - the Dex had said it was a male, although she couldn't see the difference - was, lying on the porch, batting at his bowl as adorably as an Pre-evo could.

* * *

><p>a<p>

* * *

><p>"Take that", I cried, smacking the bowl, thinking it was a foe. I had no clue why I thought it was alive, but I did. "And that!" I ripped my imaginary foe off the ground and threw it with all my force.<p>

* * *

><p>a<p>

* * *

><p>Peal just barely noticed the bowl flying at her head before it hit her.<p>

"Owww..." Okay, so maybe training wouldn't be as easy as she had hoped.

"Psi!" The Human had come up to her with what she assumed was a concerned look on his face.

* * *

><p>a<p>

* * *

><p>"NOOOOO!", I cried, realizing that my foe had hit my Mistress's face and disappeared. Somehow. "My Worthy Opponent, where are you? We'll never finish our duel now!"<p>

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><p>a<p>

* * *

><p>Far away, on a different world, a young god was finishing up his preparations, sipping a cup of coffee as he did so. A (()) - (()) more, and his Reason for Being would be complete. So close, but he didn't want to mess it up. He couldn't, not with his Reason so close. He would have to test his invention, to make sure that it did not have any bugs. If it messed up after he started it, it might have to be recalled or destroyed.<p>

Computer, compile and execute god . main ( god . get Current Name () ) and set returned value equal to a Reason project's variable.

**Value returned. Set to variable x Temp Reason.**

Execute x Temp Reason . Epsilon ().

**x Temp Reason. Epsilon () activated. Returning value in ten time Units Objective.**

The young god awaited eagerly. He was so close, so close... Five, four, two, three - time was objective here, but not linear -

A bowl came flying out of the experiment, knocking him backward and removing the cup of coffee from his hands easily.

Oh, I understand!

Pause.

You ruined my java!

A Jewel falls from where the bowl once was.

What just happened?

**Epsilon test completed.**

The young god shook his head, time GODLY BEAM finally reaching a nearly horizontal linear asymptote for a time Unit Objective. The bowl broke apart before it hit his past self or his coffee's past self, all possible futures narrowing down to one before branching out again.

In one particular future, a Human appears in front of him, Teleporting in easily. They speak, and the god agrees to allow the Human to do

In another, a Machamp enters. It looks around curiously, and perhaps nervously.

In another, it is a Legendary that enters. It wants the Jewel.

In one reality, he is not surprised that the Jewel is gone. It was a construction of one possiblity, completely random, so it was infinitely unlikely to appear in any specific dimension while guaranteed to appear in an infinite many of them.

In another, however, he is. That Jewel was divine, and he did not know if it had been random or not. He assumed it was, but he had not examined the Bowl, and objective Time would not allow him to reexamine that point. It could have been existing before it entered this godly place.

An Eye watched the young god.

**x Temp Reason . main () activated.**

Activate x Temp Reason . main () ;

* * *

><p>a what he wants to do, provided that he give one of his selves the Jewel.<p>

* * *

><p>a<p>

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><p><strong>AN:**

**I am going to stop now, and it is not just because I am confused. I kind of... lost the other half of this chapter. And most of this half was random last-second improv.**

**:N/A**


End file.
